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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29625690">Carb Santa</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngeliqueNothing/pseuds/AngeliqueNothing'>AngeliqueNothing</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bang! Shorts [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Bath Sex, Bathing/Washing, Bathtub Sex, Blood, Blood Kink, Bottom Joker (DCU), Consenting Adults, Cunnilingus, Daddy Kink, Explicit Consent, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fellatio, Gratuitous Smut, Hair Kink, Hair-pulling, Harleen Quinzel - Freeform, Harley Quinn - Freeform, Healthy Joker/Harleen Quinzel, Heel Kink, High Heels, Jack Napier is Joker, Jarley - Freeform, Jarley Freeform, Joker (DCU) Played by Jared Leto, Joker in a Dress, Knifeplay, Mini Daddy Kink, Minor Original Character(s), NSFW, Non-violent Joker, Nonabusive Joker and Harley, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Original Character(s), POV Alternating, POV Harley Quinn, POV Joker (DCU), Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Porn With Plot, Prostate Play, Public Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut, Stiletto Heels, Swearing, Top Joker (DCU), Voyeurism, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000, Wordcount: Over 10.000, You Have Been Warned, delayed gratification, like really mini, seriously</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:27:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,734</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29625690</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngeliqueNothing/pseuds/AngeliqueNothing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Harley and her Mistah J go to New Orleans, Louisiana (NOLA) in the middle of summer for a holiday, and insanity ensues. She feels the need to day-drink responsibly and convinces Joker that she needs to help others do the same!  Thus, she becomes their Carb Santa while there!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jarley Relationship, Joker (DCU) &amp; Harley Quinn, Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bang! Shorts [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2173848</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A New Adventure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is for A and K, though they'll never read this version as it has smut. But it's K's fault that this story happened at all, so blame her!!</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please note, Harley doesn’t have all of her tattoos as of yet in this version (she’s with him for at least nine years if her rap sheet in SS is anything to go by, and she’d have gotten the tattoos throughout their time together more than likely). I’ve also chosen to go with the "Property of No One” tattoo that’s going to be in the new SS movie. I love that it’s still got the joker skull (though I’m sure a case could be made that it’s a harlequin), and while it’s branding her as Joker’s, it’s also showing that she doesn’t belong to anyone and that she’s a force to be reckoned with in her own right. I think that's how my Joker would see her.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She was elated. Ecstatic. Euphoric. Elastic? No. No, that wasn’t quite right! Though it was true in a sense, she supposed.</p><p>She couldn’t <em>believe</em> her luck! Even <em>Harleen</em> was humming in the recesses of her mind! That <em>never</em> happened!! This was better than that time Mistah J took her to Disneyland. Who would have thought he’d beat <em>that</em>?!</p><p>Not even the sad sight of Joker with plain brown hair and tanned skin sans all of his glorious tattoos (save for the laughter running up his forearm, thankfully!) could take away from her excitement. Really, Joker as “Jack” was pretty, and it was the way she’d met him, but it wasn’t the man that she’d fallen in love with. She knew that they needed to look all normal and plain, but nothing would take this mood from her!</p><p>She was on cloud nine, over the moon, in seventh heaven, and happy as a clam as their private plane touched down on the tarmac. How could she <em>not</em> be when they’d be staying on the nice quiet side of Bourbon near the old Ursuline Convent?! They’d even be in town for the Red Dress Run, and she had her and J’s outfits all picked out and had even made sure to pack a red tie for Johnny, who had come ahead of them with his wife.</p><p>As soon as she’s through the doors of their place on Royal Street with its little green shutters and amazingly intricate balcony, she’s dashing all around and is up the stairs in a flash. She’s fairly certain she hears J mutter something about heart palpitations and her being the death of him, but she ignores him as those aren’t new comments, and she wants to see the little place he’d found for them.</p><p>The place is bigger than she’d have expected from the outside, with several rooms on each of the upper floors, a large kitchen, gorgeous exposed brick, and original hardwood floors and plastering. It wasn’t extravagant like some of their other hideouts but felt intimate somehow, even with the opulence. And thankfully, Joker had figured out how to add air conditioning to the house, combating the extreme heat and humidity of New Orleans in the summertime. Something they’d both need sorely after a day covered in makeup to hide their bleached skin and various tattoos, even if the spray-tans would cut down on the amount of makeup they needed daily.</p><p>Racing back down the stairs to the first floor, she practically flies from the last step into Joker’s arms, chirping, “You’re the best, Puddin.’”</p><p>Looking pleased as punch, he shrugs as if it’s no big thing and asks, “You like it, then?” That question lets her know exactly how nervous he was to bring her here, and she smiles, running a hand through his hair as the other rests on his chest.</p><p>“I absolutely love it, Pud’,” she tells him. Such a silly man to worry about something like that. She’d think after all this time, he’d know that as long as she was with him, anywhere would be perfect. Hell, even <em>Arkham</em> was acceptable, as long as they were locked up together!</p><p>Running his hands through her riotous brunette curls (ugh, she’d <em>kill</em> to have her blonde back!), he smiles indulgently down at her and asks what she’d like to do first. Well, she <em>knows</em> what she’d like to do <em>first</em>, but maybe that would wait till later?</p><p>It’s like he can feel the mischief coursing through her veins as he pulls her close and runs his nose up her carotid artery. Really, this man had a <em>sense</em> for when she was feeling frisky. Throwing her over his shoulder, he smacks her ass once as she giggles and places her hands on his hips to steady herself. Walking up the stairs, he throws her onto the bed in the largest of the rooms on the second floor, and she squeals as she hits the mattress and bounces once.</p><p>Really, you’d think joining the mile-high club would be enough to satiate them both, but it was never enough…for either of them.</p><p>Undoing the little tie at her waist that kept the wrap dress together, she lets it fall open as she leans back on her forearms, looking at the beautiful man in front of her to see what he’ll do. He gives her his biggest Joker grin, full of teeth and the promise of pleasure and pain as he gives the entire length of her a once-over, lingering on her knickers. Really, the way he was staring at her chest, you’d think he hadn’t <em>just</em> been playing with them on the flight over!</p><p>As he starts unbuttoning his shirt, Harley slips her hand into her barely-there underwear, beginning to play with her clit. Raising her knees up, she spreads her legs out wide, her heels digging into the comforter as her hips raise at the feel of her fingers sliding against her wet opening. As Joker throws his shirt behind him, Harley moans at the sound of his belt being unbuckled and his zipper being slowly pulled down.</p><p>Grabbing onto her thighs, Joker pulls her down the bed until her feet are just barely on the edge, and Harley can feel that he’s only pulled his pants and boxers down enough to free his erection. Leaning over her, he captures a nipple in his mouth through the thin fabric of her bra as his hand delves into the cup of her other bra to free her aching breast. When he bites down on her nipple at the same time his hand pinches her other nipple, her hips come off the bed and she moans out his name, needing to feel him everywhere.</p><p>Leaning back, he slides her underwear off, taking his time and enjoying the show she was giving him as she continues to play with her clit. Lifting her legs up, he positions her legs so that her knees are almost touching her shoulders and growls that she’s to hold her ankles as close to her ears as she can get them, almost bending her in half. As soon as she has her ankles firmly in hand, he slides his cock against the length of her wet cunt, making sure to rub her clit with each stroke, causing little mewling noises to escape her throat.</p><p>“You want more than this, Harl?” he growls above her. She shudders at the sound of his voice and nods her head, not having words but knowing that she needs <em>more</em>, needs him inside of her from this angle. “Daddy can’t hear you, doll. Did you want more?” he growls out, continuing to slide against her clit with torturously slow strokes.</p><p>“Yes, please fuck me, Mistah J!” she hollers, knowing that he’ll take nothing less after her moment of silence. As she finishes the last syllable, his cock is already sliding into her aching pussy, and he moans her name at the feel of her welcoming him in. His hands on her thighs push her legs closer to her body, and she almost screams as he suddenly rams the full length of his cock into her still-tight opening, his buckle slapping against her ass. Somehow, he manages to hit both her cervix and her g-spot in this position with each thrust, and as he sets a punishing rhythm, she’s practically screaming with each thrust. It’s almost too much, and she quickly feels herself beginning to get close.</p><p>It’s as if he can feel her need to finish as he slows and refuses her that final starburst. She practically sobs as he stops his movements, leaning back and simply staring down at her until her body comes down from the precipice. She tries to lift her hips incrementally to tell him what she needs, but he just gives her a vicious little smile as he purrs, “Not yet, Harl.”</p><p>Leaning down, he captures her mouth with his, and when she opens her mouth, he slowly slides his tongue against hers as he unhurriedly slides all the way into her, his hips hitting hers until she can feel him pushing against her cervix. She whimpers at the feel of him pressing against those most intimate places, and he gleefully eats the noises as she makes them. As he continues his unhurried assault of her mouth, he continues his torturously slow movements, sliding almost all the way out of her only to slide back in just as slow. Even with the leisurely pace, she can already feel her body ramping back up, and again he stops and leans back from her until she comes down from her almost-completion.</p><p>She whimpers with need and can’t help thinking that he was being <em>mean</em> this time ‘round. As soon as he leans back down onto her, using his weight to push her legs down, she lets go of one ankle and allows it to rest on his shoulder. Before he can move back and demand she replace her hand, she slides her now-free hand into his hair and makes a fist, keeping him where she wants him.</p><p>“Fuck me rough and <em>dirty</em>, Mistah J. I need you to fuck me like you’re trying to come out the other <em>end</em> of me. Like you’re <em>desperate</em> for me,” she moans against his lips, tightening her fist in his hair.</p><p>He groans against her mouth, and she’s almost certain she hears her name in that moan, almost as if it’s a prayer. Pulling her bottom lip out with his teeth, he bites down hard enough to draw blood as he begins to pick back up his pace, really moving inside of her, making sure to hit every internal spot he can with each thrust. He makes a little circling motion with his hips, and she’s screaming into his mouth, coming undone almost instantaneously. He’s not done, though, and he separates his mouth from hers to look down at her face as he continues to push so hard and fast into her that she’s certain he <em>is</em> trying to come out the other side of her. She throws her head back, surrendering to the endless orgasm, and whimpers, “Please J, please,” with each thrust, not knowing if she’s begging for him to stop or for more.</p><p>Finally, his thrusts begin to lose their rhythm, and his hips pound into her harder somehow, that belt buckle slapping her ass with each angry thrust, and she’s beginning to see spots around her vision as he shouts her name and comes into her drenched pussy. She lets her ankles go and her legs slowly lower so that her feet are off the bed as he practically drops his full weight down onto her. Licking up her neck, he buries his nose in the junction of her neck and shoulder to just breathe her in. His hips suddenly jut forward once more, and he growls, biting into the flesh of her shoulder hard enough to break the skin. Her body spasms, and somehow, she’s coming again, her hips lifting off the bed of their own volition to meet his pumping hips, and she could almost swear that her vision goes kaleidoscopic as her brain loses the oxygen it needs to function. Joker almost wrenches himself away from her and lays down on the bed next to her.</p><p>After they’d cooled off enough that she was finally able to breathe normally, Harley stretched her arms over her head languidly as she decided what she wanted to do with the rest of their day. Maybe hydrate, eat a bunch of carbs and fresh local fish before starting an evening of music, drinking, and more carbs?</p><p>Rolling over onto her stomach and placing her head in her hands, she stares at Joker in this guise. He was already half-asleep with an arm thrown over his eyes, his mouth open as his chest rose and fell evenly. Seeing him so exhausted that he’s able to fall asleep right after sex, she wonders if his recent bout of insomnia was due to his nerves over this trip. Though he’d sprung it on her last-minute, it was clearly something he’d been working on for some time, if the state of the house was anything to go by. Shaking her head at the silly man, she puts her head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart, and closes her eyes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Anything, Absolutely Anything</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="style-scope qowt-page">
<p></p><div class="style-scope qowt-page">
<p></p><div class="style-scope qowt-page">
<p></p><div class="style-scope qowt-page"><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">Joker wakes to the feel of a wet tongue laving his already hard cock and, without looking, reaches his hand down to tangle in Harley’s hair. His hips raise of their own volition, and he moans as her mouth descends on him, sucking him into the wet recesses of her mouth.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1"><span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">“Fuck, Harl,” he moans as she moves her mouth up and down. He pushes her hair out of the way and raises up on his forearms, needing to see her head bobbing up and down, taking all of him in. She still rarely did this, so he had every intention of watching the whole thing. She lets him pop from her mouth as her hand takes over, sliding up and down his erection made wet by her mouth. She licks just the head and lets the tip of her tongue delve into the slit while she stares up at him. </span> </p></div></div><div class="style-scope qowt-page">
<p></p><div class="style-scope qowt-page"><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1 x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">As she teases him with her hand, her head lowers to his balls and sucks on them one at a time, making little swirls with her tongue until he throws his head back and fists his hands in the sheets so he doesn’t take control. He knew she needed almost complete control when she performed oral, and he was more than happy to comply, even if it was a test of his willpower </span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">every time</span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">. Giving his balls one last cursory lick, she slowly licks the underside of his cock until she gets to the very tip, exploring the little dip there before kissing the head of his penis. </span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">“Tell me what you want, Joker-mine,” she breaths against his cock, and the feel of her breath huffing onto his slick head has him fighting for control. He lightly runs his hands through her hair, moving it back from her face and holding it at the top of her head.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">“Anything. Anything you’re willing to give Harl,” he says as he stares down at her.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">The smile she gives him is almost feral</span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">,</span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman"> and his body shudders at the sight of those straight white teeth bared in his cock’s direction. “Tell me what you <em>really</em> want, J,” she demands as her hand stops its up and down motion and her mouth moves incrementally away. </span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">He should have known she'd get back at him for the night before, he really should have.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">His hand tightens in her hair as he stares down at her, silently begging her to continue. When she doesn’t, he huffs at her and gives her a crooked smile. Damnable woman. Breathing heavily through his nose, he tries to put his need for her into words. “You, fucking me with your perfect mouth, taking me all the way down as you deepthroat me, using those dexterous hands to play with my balls,” he practically finishes on a moan as her fingers lightly stroke up and down his length.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">“I…want to try something,” she says hesitantly. That hesitation gives </span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">him</span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman"> pause for a moment before he tells her, again, anything. Anything this vixen </span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">wants,</span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman"> he’s willing to give.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">As she uses the pad of her tongue to slide up and down his hard cock, she goes back to fondling his balls, running her fingers down to stroke his perineum. </span>
          <em>
            <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">Fuck</span>
          </em>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman"> that felt good.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">“More, Harley,” he begs, throwing his head back and tightening his hand in her hair again. As she sucks him fully into her mouth, her cheeks hollowing as she sucks and licks, his hips jerk up a bit, trying to get her to go deeper. He’s lost to the sensations as her mouth sucks up and down, up and down, and he can feel his balls crawling closer to his body, telling him how close he really is. As if she can sense that he’s oh so close, she lowers her mouth onto him, swallowing as she goes until her lips hit the base of his cock, and he can feel the difference of her throat constricting lightly around him. As she hums in the back of her throat, he feels her hand play with his perineum again before a finger is inserted into his ass. His hips lift fully off the bed at the feel of her stroking his prostate, his body almost bowing as she makes a come-hither motion with her finger, stroking that spot inside of him. It’s as if she’s reaching inside of his body, as if he can feel the sensations all the way up his </span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">s</span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">pine</span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman"> and to his </span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">stomach</span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">. The hand in her hair tightens, and he finally exerts a modicum of control as he rams his cock into the back of her throat, pushing her head down with the fist in her hair. She’s still humming and stroking that finger and, oh </span>
          <em>
            <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">fuck</span>
          </em>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">, oh <em>god</em>, oh merciful <em>hea</em>ven, he can’t take any more of this. Hollering her name, he rams into the back of her throat and holds her head down one last time as he cums into </span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">her throat, and he swears he can feel the sensation throughout his body as it shakes beneath her. </span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">Releasing her hair, he uses the sheets as a handhold as she continues her ministrations throughout his orgasm, milking him for everything he’s worth, and he can swear he sees spots at the edges of his vision. None of the oxygen he’s trying to suck down seems to be going to his brain, and the spots are closing in when she finally slides her finger out and moves her mouth up his cock one last time, kissing the tip of it.</span>
        </p></div></div><div class="style-scope qowt-page">
<p></p><div class="style-scope qowt-page"><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">Sliding her body up the bed next to him, she leans over the bed and throws the condom she’d used on her finger into the trash (really, </span>
          <em>
            <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">when</span>
          </em>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman"> had she put that damn thing on?) before leaning in and stroking his chest lightly. She looks down at him as she strokes where she knows the self-proclaiming tattoo is and where the laughter should be before slowly lowering her lips to his for a gentle kiss. He can taste the saltiness of his cum still on her lips as he lets his fingertips travel down her body, and he knows he needs more. As his index and middle finger finally reach her clit, he delves his tongue into her mouth, wanting to taste that mixture that is her unique flavoring mixed with his seed. She practically hollers into his mouth at the feel of his fingers on her already wet and sensitive flesh, and when those two fingers delve into the wet recess of her pussy, he can feel how close she already is.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">“Did you like the feel of my cock in your mouth, Harl?” he whispers against her neck as he lightly nibbles his way down across her clavicles. “Did it </span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">excite</span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman"> you, the way your dexterous fingers were able to reach inside of me?” he asks as he makes his own come-hither gesture with his fingers inside of her dripping sex, looking for that soft spot that is her g-spot. When his mouth attaches to a tight little nipple, he finally runs his fingers over that spot inside of her, and her body bows as she makes little mewling noises for him. He can feel the walls around his fingers tightening the closer she gets, and he scrapes his teeth across her nipple as his thumb plays with the bud of her clit, and almost before he knows it, he has her screaming out his name as if it’s the only thing that will save her as she comes undone beneath him. Watching her body racked by her orgasm is almost as good as receiving one himself. She was glorious when she let her control go and simply </span>
          <em>
            <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">existed</span>
          </em>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">She was a goddess, this creature underneath him, and he knew he’d never be done with her.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">He wakes sometime later to a pillow being thrown at his face and tries to use it to cover his face and go back to sleep when he feels </span>
          <em>
            <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">another</span>
          </em>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman"> pillow thrown at him, finally prompting him to pry an eye open to stare balefully at his partner.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">“Come </span>
          <em>
            <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">oooon</span>
          </em>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">, there’s a whole city waiting for us, and I’m </span>
          <em>
            <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">starving</span>
          </em>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">,” she whines at him with her hands on her hips. She’s practically fully dressed, and he can’t help admiring the sight. Tiny little bright green underpinnings that barely covered anything, fishnet stockings held up by a matching green garter belt, and gold stilettos with ankle straps. He can see the dark purple dress hung against the wardrobe, and he can’t help the smile that stretches across his face. </span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">“My colors, huh? I thought we agreed to be in-con-<em>s</em></span>
          <em>
            <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">picuous</span>
          </em>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman"> while we’re here, doll,” he purrs.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1"><span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">She raises an eyebrow at him, cocks her hip, and primly tells him, “they’re the city’s colors, </span><span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">you </span>narcissist.” He can hear the fondness in her voice that belies the words, and he puts his head back down on the pillow for a moment before sitting up.</p></div></div><div class="style-scope qowt-page">
<p></p><div class="style-scope qowt-page"><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">He dresses simply in slacks and a deep burgundy button-down shirt rolled up to his elbows, throwing on a pair of aviator sunglasses at the last minute to combat the sun that’s somehow still shining through the windows.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">Walking out the front door, he’s almost tempted to turn right back around and stay in with Johnny </span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">as</span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman"> he’s assaulted with the heat when Harley steps up behind him and pushes him further onto the sidewalk and away from the doors. </span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">“Nope, not gonna happen. I need you to keep me safe while I drink my weight in alcohol!” she chirps behind him, placing her hands on his waist. </span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">Turning to her, he looks at her quizzically. She wasn’t a huge drinker, preferring grape soda or other fruity concoctions that had almost no alcohol in them, so her proclaiming a need to drink her weight in alcohol was curious indeed. Shrugging, he steps fully away from their door while Harley pops her head in one last time to holler at Johnny and his wife to have fun for the evening.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">It was almost odd being Jack again. He had only donned the disguise a few times over the years, most notably while courting Harley and the Disneyland trip that had almost ended in disaster. Hooking his arm around Harley’s shoulders, he kisses the top of her head before letting her lead the way. He knew she had a list of places she wanted to hit during the time they were here, so he let her lead.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">Day quickly fell into night, and the temperature finally began to drop. Harley had eaten her weight in pasta and fish, just like he knew she’d wanted, and now the fun could begin. Really, the amount of food she could put away was almost disturbing, but with the calories she usually expended daily, between her workouts and their </span>
          <em>
            <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">workouts</span>
          </em>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">, he supposed it shouldn’t be overly surprising. They walk over to Lafitte’s Blacksmith Bar for a Voodoo Daiquiri in a styrofoam cup for her and a scotch for him, and sit at one of the little tables just outside the bar. Really, her drink is a disturbingly purple-colored </span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">slushy</span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman"> that </span>
          <em>
            <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">tastes</span>
          </em>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman"> like the color purple, but she’s in raptures, and that’s the only thing that matters. She goes back in for another, coming out with a bottle of water for him, and they walk on. It was fascinating, really, that it was completely legal and socially acceptable to walk around with alcohol in go-cups on the streets here. <em>Vastly</em> different from Disneyland! Made him less likely to stab anyone's eyes out when they stared at Harley. </span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">Finally walking down to the “bad” side of Bourbon Street, he sees what some of the fuss was about. With the sun down and dinnertime over, the children have been put to bed, and the adults are out and ready to party. There are several frat houses strewn with ribbons and beads of all colors, girls in dresses tinier than Harley’s, and buskers plying their trade. When he feels Harley pull up short, he stops and looks over at her quizzically. Following her line of sight, he sees a </span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">busker that looks like…him? She does several double-takes, whipping her head between him as Jack and the busker as Joker, clearly mildly confused in her drink-addled state.</span>
        </p></div></div><div class="style-scope qowt-page">
<p></p><div class="style-scope qowt-page"><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1 x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">Laughing, he whispers, “I know you have an epic thing for </span>
          <em>
            <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">The Joker</span>
          </em>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">, doll. Want to go talk to him?”</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">“I…what?” she asks, staring at him. </span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">Turning her so that she’s facing him, he runs his hands through her hair and repeats his question. When she still looks adorably confused, he takes her hand and walks with her to the half-naked busker. </span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">“Tattoos are awesome, man,” Joker says in his best impression of a laid-back California accent, shoving his hands into his front pockets. “Do you have to apply them, like, every night, or are any of them real?” he asks the busker. </span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">The guy looks at him for a moment, as if trying to place the overly familiar face, before explaining that they’re long-lasting temporary tattoos that last a few weeks before he has to reapply them. </span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">“So, why’d you chose to busk as Joker? Isn’t he, like, some kind of supervillain in Gotham? I mean, from the pictures, you could totally </span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">be</span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman"> him, but why not, like, Batman?” Harley giggles, gripping J’s arm as she peers at the false tattoos.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">“He’s fascinating, that’s why! He’s this sociopathic gangster that kills indiscriminately, but he defies all that with Harley Quinn and seems willing to do just about anything for her! Plus, when you’ve got this body,” he tells them, motioning to his own </span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">abs</span>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">, “why not show it off to its full extent?” At this, he beams at Harley and Joker as if they’ll readily agree with him, and they obediently nod their heads.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">“Cool, man, cool,” J tells him as he nods and throws a crumpled-up one-hundred-dollar bill into the hat in front of the busker. Harley giggles as they walk away and on to the next bar.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">“Did you hear that, </span>
          <em>
            <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">Jack</span>
          </em>
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">? Joker seems willing to do just about anything for his Harley. Think that’s true?” she giggles, threading her arm through his and leaning against him as they walk.</span>
        </p><p class="x-scope qowt-word-para-1">
          <span class="qowt-font2-TimesNewRoman">He pauses in the middle of the blocked-off street, threading a hand through her hair as he swoops in for a quick kiss. “Anything, doll, absolutely anything,” he says, smiling fondly down at her.</span>
        </p></div></div></div></div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>It's really fun to pretend that I'm not from California and write speech patterns the way others think that we talk. Like, totally tubular, dude!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Red Dresses as Far as the Eye Can See</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harley wakes to the sound of thumping, and she’s fairly certain her head is trying to explode. Fuck, was the sound her <em>heart</em>?! How could <em>that</em> be too loud? She groans and tries to put a pillow over her head but soon realizes that there’s no going back to bed. She reaches out to Joker’s side of the bed, and finding it cold and empty, cracks an eye open in search of him. Not finding him in the immediate vicinity of her barely cracked eye, she finally sits up and looks around the room. She finds a cup of orange juice and a bottle of aspirin on her bedside table, as well as a note telling her to follow instructions for once and that he’d be back soon. Beautiful man, her Joker. Always trying to take care of her!</p><p>She downs the pills and juice as she tries to remember all of the events of the previous night. She remembered the busker dressed as “Joker,” several more bars, and then she vaguely remembers dancing in the street and a nightcap on the balcony? How much had she <em>drunk</em>? Since the acid bath, it had been almost impossible to get drunk, so really, last night she <em>must</em> have drunk her body weight in alcohol. After dinner, had there been no carbs? No snacks? Nothing to help sop up the alcohol sloshing through her stomach? <em>How</em> had she let that happen?! She used to be so good in college, eating crackers and interspersing the alcohol with water throughout the night. Had it really been <em>that</em> long since she’d gone out binge drinking, that she’d become lackadaisical?</p><p>If she wanted to continue to make sure that her liver was in perfect working order while on this vacation, she’d need to make sure to bring crackers with her. And she’d seen the <em>perfect</em> purse while out adventuring with Joker yesterday! Clapping her hands…and immediately regretting it when her head tried to run away from her body, she gets up and begins preparations for the day. She enjoyed being tan again (yay, spray tans!), but the amount of <em>work</em> that went into making sure all of the tattoos were covered was a trial, even if she didn’t have quite as many as Mistah J. Today, she decided to leave the “Property of No One” with the huge joker skull on her back be. She’d missed being branded, and really, it wasn’t as obvious a branding as her chest or arm tattoos, or even the tiny little heart on her face.</p><p>She’s just sliding her short shorts on when Joker saunters into the room, holding a small box under his arm and looking pleased as punch. Really, she knew he was up to no good when he had that grin on his face, and she couldn’t <em>wait</em> to find out what it was. Cocking her hip and raising an eyebrow, she continues getting ready, knowing that J would let her in on his secret when he was good and ready, and no amount of attempting to find a tickle spot would work (and really, she had <em>yet</em> to find that damn tickle spot). When she’s finally putting her hair up in a high ponytail, he leans in, pulls the strap of her camisole aside, and kisses the still-bare tattoo on her shoulder blade. She shivers at the light touch and, before he can muss up her hard work, dances out of his reach.</p><p>Giving her an exasperated huff (really, the amount of exasperated huffs he’d given her over the years could likely fill a damn blimp!), he gives her one of his rare shy smiles as he offers her the wrapped box. Shaking it gently, lest there be something breakable inside, she concludes that there is not and proceeds to tear the wrapping and box apart to get to her present.</p><p>Squealing, she drops it on the bed and jumps into Joker’s arms. Really, he <em>should</em> be pleased as punch! That Cheshire grin was completely warranted, and she lets him know by giving him quick tiny kisses all over his face until she reaches his mouth. But he’s unwilling to take the quick peck on his lips she tries to give and instead wraps his arms tightly around her and proceeds to kiss her thoroughly and deeply. She’s practically a puddle of need by the time he lets her go, and his Cheshire grin only widens at the faux-nasty look she gives him. She would <em>not</em> be sidetracked from going out today. She <em>wouldn’t</em>!</p><p>Stepping from the protective (and need-inducing) circle of his arms, she looks in the mirror to fix her lipstick and slings her new purse over her shoulder. When she opens it to put her makeup essentials in, she finds that J has already stocked it with crackers and snacks. Really, could he <em>get</em> any better?!</p><p>“I’ll meet you downstairs, doll,” he tells her over his shoulder, that grin still solidly in place. The <em>ego</em> on the man! She smiles fondly at his back and thinks that, really, that ego was well deserved, especially where she was concerned.</p><p>Slipping on her strappy sandals, she heads downstairs, and out into the world they go. First to the former convent and their tiny museum, then down to Jackson Square, where all of the artists sold their wares against the garden's huge black gates. She absolutely loved the amount of art strewn across the railings and the music being played.</p><p>Putting her head on Joker’s shoulder as they stand listening to one of the jazz musicians play, she lets her eyes close and basks in the moment. It was absolutely magical, and to be here with Mistah J, even if he <em>was</em> “Jack” at the moment, was just…magnificent. This was a city of love and life and music, and she didn’t know how she’d ever let it go.</p><p>But she supposed she’d have to. She’d let Disneyland go, after all, and that had been sublime. Though she figured there was always Disney <em>World</em> to look forward to!</p><p>Tugging Joker on after a time, they stop by Café Du Monde on Decatur Street before heading to dinner and then on to the evening of drinking! As usual when in an unfamiliar territory, Joker chose not to imbibe overmuch, choosing to instead stay clear-headed for the both of them. Tonight goes a good deal better, what with her snacks and the amazingly adorable toast-shaped purse (weren’t the tiny legs so just <em>cute</em>?!) to remind her to eat said toasty little snacks. She may drink her weight in alcohol again and set them back a few hundred dollars, what with her own drinks and the rounds she buys for random strangers, but she’s able to remember every little moment of it the next day.</p><p>When she wakes and stretches the next morning, the blaring headache of yesterday morning was pleasantly absent, and the absent paramour from the previous morning was pleasantly present! Turning over so that she can face the gorgeous specimen of a man wrapped around her like a starfish, she sighs in happiness. His hair was ruffled from turning over in his sleep, and his lips were slightly open, his chest heaving, but he looked peaceful. She knew that he still, after all this time, didn’t sleep as much as she’d like, but he did better when they were together.</p><p>Though reluctant to wake him, Harley let her hand slide down his arm to his waist, playing with the elastic of his sweats, needing to touch him. Just as she began to delve past the elastic at his hips, her fingertips just grazing his still-soft member, Joker’s hand latched onto her wrist with no warning of his movement and slowly pulled her hand back up his body. Putting the captured hand firmly on his chest, he slowly peeled open his eyes to stare down at her with a crooked smile.</p><p>“I believe sustenance is in order first, Harl,” he growls, entwining their fingers.</p><p>Making an over-the-top pout with her bottom lip, she looks at him and jokingly whines, “But I was about to <em>receive</em> sustenance!”</p><p>Smiling a full Joker toothy grin, he captures her mouth with his, languidly stroking his tongue against hers briefly before pulling away and sitting up. Running his hands through his sadly still brown hair, he gets up and stretches his arms over his head, letting her admire the muscles of his shoulders bunching and his broad expanse of chest arching towards her. Sighing, she takes a moment longer to pout before bouncing up and out of bed, already excited for the day.</p><p>“So, today is the Red Dress Run, and even though we’re not actively doing the run, I’ve made sure we donated, and I have our outfits all picked out!” Harley chirps perkily.</p><p>“Noooo, absolutely not, no fucking way Harley,” he says, looking at her in horror.</p><p><em>Silly man to think he really has a choice</em>, the voices in her head giggle. Running her hands up his bare chest, she smiles at him with her most saccharine smile. “Now, Puddin’, I’ve made sure you’ll be the belle of the ball, and you can even wash away Jack for the day if you want! The Batshits would never believe that <em>The Real Joker</em> would be traipsing around New Orleans in a bright red dress! How fun will it be to have pictures of <em>us</em> on this trip? Not silly Jack and Jill, but Harley and Mistah J?” Seeing doubt still written clearly across his features, she runs her hands up and through his hair and whispers against his lips, “Please, Puddin,’ I’ve missed seeing <em>you</em>.”</p><p>She can feel it the moment he bends to her will as he growls and captures her mouth in a brutal kiss, his hands running down her back to press her flush against him. But it lasts only a moment before he breaks away and reminds her that they need food.</p><p>After a quick shower, she hums happily at the sight of both of them back to their normal selves and practically purrs at the vision that was Joker with all of his tattoos showing again. Pulling out their clothes, she can almost see the growl vibrating up J’s chest when he sees what she’s brought for him.</p><p>“Harley,” Joker rumbles in warning, and she just turns her brightest smile on him.</p><p>“I <em>promise</em> you won’t be alone!” she chirps, practically bouncing around the room. As soon as she’s dressed, she bounds out of the room and away from his current ire, taking the red tie over to Johnny, who was finally going to be joining them.</p><p>When she gets to Johnny and his wife’s room, she can hear him grumbling, “No, no I will not, Stace,” before a murmured reply, too low for Harley to hear. Knocking, she waits for Stacy’s word of approval to enter and can’t help laughing at the sight before her.</p><p>“Johnny, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you dressed so fine!” she giggles, clutching the tie to her chest at the sight of the big man in a beautiful strapless red dress that reminded her of Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face. “If it makes you feel any better, Joker hates me just as much as you hate Stacy right now!” she tells him, waving her hands in the general direction behind her before slowly backing out of the door, still giggling.</p><p>When she gets down to the kitchen, she lays the now useless tie on the counter and is just in time to grab the door as their food delivery arrives. She’d had a feeling Joker wouldn’t want to go to breakfast in a dress, so she’d planned ahead, though she has to suppress the chuckle that threatens to escape as the poor delivery boy walks in laden with bags. It looks like she’s ordered for a whole house party!</p><p>After breakfast, she takes Joker’s arm, and all four of them walk out the door, with only a few grumbles from the two men. Really, you’d think Harley had threatened to shave Joker’s head at the rate he was grumbling! “You look gorgeous, Puddin’,” she tells him, trying for soothing as she plays with the little feathers at his shoulders.</p><p>They get stopped every few yards with compliments to both men’s outfits and even have to stop for quite a few pictures. By the time early afternoon rolls around, both men are practically preening at the attention, and Harley has to stifle her giggles every time someone requests a picture with the ‘Scarlet Joker’ as she’s started calling him in her head. Really, Joker <em>does</em> look amazing dressed in the iconic red dress from Gone with the Wind with its feathers as shoulder pads and down the back of the dress, and the dark red and black wingtip shoes she’d paired with it. It was fun to see him in <em>her</em> colors for a change, and Harley can’t help the smile that’s practically causing her cheeks to ache at the sight of him. She’d wanted a dress that would show off as many of Joker’s tattoos as possible while still looking flamboyant, and short of having him go as Jessica Rabbit, she’d been unable to think of anything more suitable than Scarlet O’Hara. And really, Harley had wanted Mrs. Rabbit to herself. She did look epic if she did say so herself. What with the over-the-elbow purple satin gloves, sequined heart neckline with its non-existent sides and back that showed off nearly all of her tattoos, and the slit that came almost all the way up her right leg, she looked absolutely edible. Joker had even twirled her along the sidewalk a few times once he’d realized how very many men were out in red dresses as well.</p><p>As afternoon fell into evening, Harley had already eaten her weight in carbs and had restocked her spiffy purse with the essentials for the night to come. Johnny and Stacy had separated from them to go back to the apartments and relax, while Harley had dragged Joker from place to place, reveling in the fun of the town. They’d stopped to listen to a jazz band in one of the seedier-looking bars for a time before Harley began worrying about all of the irresponsible adults on Bourbon Street. Really, those poor souls had no one else to turn to who would remind them to eat carbs and drink a bottle of water on occasion to help sop up the alcohol!</p><p>Decision made, she tells Joker her plan, and, while he sighs, he gives her one of his sideways grins and agrees.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>For Joker and Johnny's dresses: https://www.vogue.fr/fashion-culture/fashion-exhibitions/diaporama/the-most-iconic-red-dresses-in-cinema/48007?image=5c361706b0a45762977396ac</p><p>Harley's toast purse: https://us.romwe.com/Toast-Shaped-Crossbody-Bag-p-865196-cat-1031.html</p><p>Red Dress Run is a real thing that happens in NOLA the first week in August every year and is absolutely EPIC. The men dress better and try harder than the women for the most part, and just like every get-together, it's a chance to drink and party, and just have ridiculous fun. The hubs and I went a few years ago (having no idea that the RDR was happening) and though neither of us had brought a red dress, there were SO many people out and about! I will never forget the guy that had a huge bell-skirt dress that was very Gone with the Wind with a huge hat, lacy umbrella and Converse All-Stars...all in red.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Mrs. Rabbit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You poor things had to deal with a WHOLE chapter without sex. So here is a chapter that is almost ENTIRELY smut!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He adored her, he really did, but Harley could be absolutely <em>exhausting</em> at times. The day had been spent walking all over the French Quarter in the ridiculously fabulous dress (he <em>did</em> have to hand it to her, the woman knew his style, even if he <em>did</em> grumble the whole time), and now they were off to feed the masses of Bourbon Street. Really, why they couldn’t just relax and have fun like any other couple while on vacation was a mystery. By making them dress as Jack and Jill while here, he’d been hoping to curb some of her more insane inclinations and prevent a Disneyland-like escapade all over again, but he sighs and supposes that there was only so much he could do to curb those tendencies. And if he was being honest with himself, all she had to do was wiggle her ass in that Jessica Rabbit dress, and he’d obey just about any command. Even if he <em>did</em> like to pretend that he was the one in charge.</p><p>As they do the nightly Bourbon bar crawl that Harley has insisted on, his overly zealous partner tries to feed the damn city. Really, it <em>was</em> adorable watching her eat her crackers and encourage others to eat <em>something</em> while she was around. She’d even made it into a game at one of the bars, agreeing to buy a round of drinks after each patrons' carb intake. He knew they were the King and Queen of Gotham and had more money than Croesus, more than either of them could spend in several lifetimes, but her pub crawls were going to be the death of their main accounts by the time they left this city! He had even stopped looking at the bills when given to him and instead just handed over his card with a grimace.</p><p>By the time they get back to their apartments, he’s about ready to ignore getting undressed for simply falling into the bed, and into an exhausted sleep, when he hears Harley call out for him in the walk-in closet.</p><p>“Mistah J, I can’t get the straps of my heels undone without popping a seam in the dress!” she tells him with an overly exaggerated pout to her bottom lip. Turning his back to her, he tells her that he needs out of this contraption of a dress before he’s able to help her, and she readily unzips him and helps to peel the dress down his body. He can hear little appreciative noises from behind him as she runs her hands across his bare shoulders and down his back, playing with a few of the more obvious scars he knows are back there.</p><p>Turning to face her, he lets his full Joker smile spread across his face as he drops down to his knees in front of her. She looks absolutely appetizing in this outfit, and he has every intention of fucking her senseless while she’s still wearing it. Regally, she silently places her right foot on the knee he’s angled out for her, and he lets his fingertips trail up her ankle, across her calf, and up to her knee, his lips following the same progress as he pushes the slit of the dress a little further apart.</p><p>Even after all these years, he can still barely believe that Harley is his, that this strong, insane, gorgeous woman had chosen him time and time again. He uses his tongue and teeth to lave and nibble his way further up past her knee, and he enjoys the feel of her stiletto digging into the flesh of his thigh as one hand roughly descends on his shoulder for support as the other digs into his hair. Using the slit in her dress, Joker pushes it up around her hips and hooks it behind her ass as best he can. As one hand travels to her luscious ass and begins kneading, he lightly trails the knuckle of his other index finger across her already soaked thong, practically purring at how instantaneously ready she is for him. She cries out at the feeling of his knuckle just barely grazing where she needs him, and he smiles into the flesh of her thigh as he feels her fingernails dig into his shoulder. Looking up at her briefly to see that her head is thrown back in ecstasy already, he leans in and pulls her soaked underwear to the side, licking her from the bottom of her slit to her clit, and he can feel her long nails scraping across his scalp as she makes a tight fist in his hair. Her hips rock at the feel of his tongue lapping up her juices before he inserts two fingers into her drenched pussy. <em>Fuck</em>, she was always so tight to start with and often stayed that way no matter how long he’d been fucking her. Hooking his fingers into her, he makes sure to push them against her g-spot each time he thrusts them into her. As he slides his fingers in and out of her, she cries out for him, and before long, he can feel her walls tightening around him. Instantly withdrawing his fingers, he sits back, not allowing her to finish, and he can feel her fingernails digging into his shoulder harder, trying to demand of him without saying anything. He licks his lips as he looks up at her, his thumb rubbing circles into her thigh briefly before he stands. He smiles toothily at her as she whines at the loss of contact, and standing, he roughly turns her around to face the full-length mirror in the walk-in closet</p><p>“Look at me, Harley,” he growls, letting her dress fall back into place, stroking his hands along her hips as he watches her chest heave through the mirror. Splaying one hand across her lower belly, he picks up her riotously curly hair in a loose fist with the other, lifting it from her neck as he leans down and kisses his way across her shoulders, causing her to shiver. She quickly shimmies out of her barely-there underwear, knowing that he’ll ruin them if he has to go through them a second time. Slowly letting his hand travel down her belly to slip below the dress, he pauses his southward movement to growl when her eyelids flutter closed, and she instantaneously opens them, knowing that he won’t continue until she’s watching. “I want you to watch, doll. I want you to see how magnificent you are as I fuck you,” he finishes in a whisper against her skin, causing her to whimper and arch her back.</p><p>Smacking her ass roughly, he kneads the coarse fabric of the gown into the sensitive skin of her ass before slipping his hand back under her dress, knowing she’s watching as his mouth descends on her neck again. His fingers caress the outer lips of her still-wet opening, making sure not to touch the little bud or descend into her depths like she may want. When she whimpers again for him, he finally touches her clit, stroking lightly, bringing her quickly back to that edge of ecstasy. He watches her face as a little line appears between her brows, letting him know how close she is, and he lets his fingers slip away from her, not wanting her to finish quite yet, and needing to <em>somehow</em> punish her for putting him into that damn red dress all day. She cries out and leans against the mirror for support as she watches his face through the mirror, and he sees a silent snarl form on her lips. Gorgeous, vicious creature! She’d come so far from where she’d started as Doctor Harleen Quinzel!</p><p>Slowly lowering himself behind her, he moves her skirt out of his way and kneads her ass briefly before nibbling and licking his way across the vibrantly red hand-print. His free hand reaches between her spread legs to lightly stroke her wet opening before he slips two fingers into her still-tight core. He can hear the wood of the mirror edge groan as Harley’s knuckles turn white from her grip, and he smiles against her hip, watching as she fights to keep her eyes open against the onslaught of pleasure.</p><p>As the wood creaks again in her white-knuckled grip, he growls into her ass, “Come for me, Harley, come <em>now</em>,” and she readily complies, crying out, her knees almost buckling from the strength of her orgasm. She splays her second hand against the mirror as she stares down at him with hooded eyes, and he stares right back as he slows his finger movements, letting them unhurriedly slide out of her.</p><p>Standing up, he pushes his boxer-briefs down, thankful she’s already leaning over slightly so he’s able to quickly slip into her tight opening with a groan. Her back arches as he slides his length fully into her, and he hears that wood creek in her death grip when his hips hit her ass. He marvels again at how tight she is, as if every time is their first time, as if she was made just for him. Her chest heaves up and down, the movements obvious in the red sequined dress, as he slides slowly in and out of her, not giving her the speed or level of friction he knows she’s desperate for. Pushing one side of the bodice down to free a breast, he marvels at the peaked nipple, the bouncing of that breast with each slow thrust. Harley makes little noises in the back of her throat as he pinches that hard nipple, giving her a small dose of pain for her pleasure.</p><p>“Tell me how much you need me, Mistah J,” she pleads, looking at him with those lust-clouded baby blues. He places his hand over hers on the mirror, entwining their fingers as he continues to thrust his hips forward.</p><p>“Always, Harl. Need you so much,” he grinds out between thrusts. “So much, baby,” he tells her, staring her in the eye through the mirror. He’s still unable to say those three magic words on command, but he tries to convey the sentiment through his eyes.</p><p>As she moans out, “I love you, J,” he picks up his thrusts, giving her the friction and speed he knows she craves as a reward. Her bright blue eyes glow with the intensity of her love for him, and it almost bowls him over.</p><p>Feeling them both nearing their climaxes, he breaks eye contact to bite down on her bare shoulder hard enough to draw a trickle of blood, his hand stopping its ministrations of her breast to wrap around her throat, putting just a touch of pressure against her windpipe.</p><p>There are times that he still contemplates finishing her off. It would be so simple to merely tighten his hand, knowing that she wouldn’t fight him, watching her die with a smile on her lips as he squeezed the life out of her. But then comes the realization that he could never really do it. She’s his greatest weakness, his greatest strength, and he’d do anything for her, give up anything if she only asked.</p><p>It’s as if she can hear the dark thoughts running through his mind (and maybe she can, after all these years) and uses what little breath he’s allowed her to moan his name. His hand tightens a fraction, and she whispers, “Look at me, J.” As he slams into her again and again, his balls drawing tight to his body, he looks her in the eye and finally gives her the words that she wants.</p><p>“Fuck, baby, I love you,” he moans, sending them hurtling into the abyss together. His hand tightens still further on her throat, blocking off almost all air as she tightens her entwined fingers against his. He can feel her throat convulsing, trying to suck down the little air that he’s allowing her, and his hand tightens to block out all air, knowing that the lack of oxygen is only intensifying her high. When her eyes roll into the back of her head and her hand starts to loosen on the edge of the mirror, he releases her throat. As she gasps in her first lungful of air, she moans it out, and he can feel a fresh wave of her juices flowing against his still thrusting penis. Almost as soon as he finally stops his movements, she practically sags in his arms, and he quickly catches her up to hold her against him.</p><p>Staring at the gloriously fucked creature in front of him through the mirror, one hand lightly strokes her neck, and she arches her head back for him, baring everything she is for him, should he want it, and he purrs. Her eyelashes flutter as she moans again, and his hips buck into her with a will of their own. Their obsession, he knew, went both ways. He would never let her go, he’d kill her before he let her go, and he knew she’d kill anyone who had the audacity to stare at him too long. There was only ever her, had only ever been one obsession for him. His world began and ended with her, and he can feel that same sentiment thrown back at him a thousand-fold as she bares her neck.</p><p>“Lean your weight against the mirror, Harl,” he purrs as he slips out of her. Slowly peeling the rest of the dress off of her, he lets it slide down her hips, pooling at her stiletto-clad feet. In nothing but her heels and elbow-length gloves, her ass out, her back arched, he feels his semi-hard cock perk right back up. He fists his ridiculously needy member as he stares at her, and he can see her eyes drop down to his hand, watching as his fist slides back and forth.</p><p>“I think we need a mirror above the bed at home,” she huff-giggles.</p><p>“We’ll add it to the playroom,” he purrs, enjoying the little shiver that runs down his spine at the promise. Harley kicks the pooled bit of fabric away from her feet as she bends down to touch her toes, placing her ass right in front of him. The minx looks at him expectantly through the thick curtain of her hair, and he rumbles, “You sure, doll-face?”</p><p>“I will never have enough of you,” she purrs, wiggling her ass for him as she strokes her heels, knowing that he has a <em>thing</em> for her in stilettos. And really, her in nothing but a pair of sky-high heels and satin glove, both in his signature purple, is a sight he’ll have to remember to recreate at some point when they’re home again. Not wanting her to topple over but needing to see his hand-print brighter, he lightly smacks her ass in the same place as previously before kneading the brilliant red mark her ghost-white body displays instantly.</p><p>Maneuvering her body so that she’s sideways in the mirror, making sure that she’s still able to watch everything he does to her, he slides slowly back into her wet cunt, still dripping from both of their juices, and stares down at their joining bodies as her pussy gladly accepts him back in. Though his hands are gripping her hips, as soon as he’s fully seated inside of her, she places her hands flat on the floor for added stability and begins to move her hips back and forth, doing the work for him. His fingers dig into her hips hard enough he knows she’ll have bruises for the next week as she slides against his shaft, making little noises with each movement.</p><p>Staring down at her, he strokes the eyes of her waist tattoo and purrs, “<em>Are</em> you watching, Harl?” She makes a little moaning noise, and he turns his head slightly to stare into the mirror, meeting her hooded eyes. “Good girl,” he praises, stroking the tattoo again. She pops her hips up a few times, changing the angle and motion, causing him to moan and lean down to kiss her spine. Not being able to deal with the slow pace, he finally takes control, ramming his hips into her, almost lifting her off her feet with the force of his thrust. He continues that upwards motion with each thrust, causing her to cry out each time her heels lift off the floor. He smacks her ass with force on her other ass cheek, needing the bright red marks to match, and when he thrusts into her next, he slips a finger into her tight asshole, then a second, hooking his fingers up slightly so that she feels it in her ass with each thrust to her pussy.</p><p>“J, oh god, Mistah J, please, fuck, baby, oh god, I don’t, oh god, I don’t think I can take it,” she cries out between thrusts, causing a purr to rumble up his chest at her desperation. Turning his head to look in the mirror, he can see her staring intently at their joining bodies in the reflection, her hands fisted on the floor.</p><p>Reaching a hand around, he begins to play with her clit, rubbing little circles against the tight little nub as he whispers, “<em>Now</em>,” causing her to almost instantaneously climax, as if his fingers have hit a magic button. He continues thrusting into her through her little mewling noises, loving the feel of her body clenching and tightening almost painfully around him. He keeps playing with her clit, not letting up for a moment, and she keeps crying out, her hips spasming, bucking against him. Slamming his dick to the hilt with each thrust, he makes sure that he moves his fingers in tandem, ramming them as far as they’ll go into the tight hole of her ass.</p><p>She’s practically sobbing by the time he can feel his thrusts begin to lose their pace, her entire body shaking. Hollering her name, he rams into her again and again, somehow harder and faster than previously, before he thrusts and holds her hips tightly against his, letting his seed pump into her, making her body take every drop he has to offer. His hand moves from her clit to her lower belly, the fingers of his other hand leaving her ass to splay against her hip, lifting her up so that she’s pressed tightly against his front again. She leans her head on his shoulder, reaching a hand around to play with the nape of his neck as they breathe in the scents of sex, sweat, and fluids that have collected in the closet. He stares at her in the mirror, watching her chest rise and fall with her desperate breaths as her body occasionally spasms, causing his hips to involuntarily thrust deeper into her. It’s like a chain with her spasming, both of them moaning and his body thrusting into her.</p><p>He pulls out of her slowly, needing to break that cycle, and she moans at the feel of his still semi-erect penis sliding against her sensitive inner walls, her knees almost buckling against the onslaught of pleasure that’s also painful. Picking her up bridal style, her head rests on his shoulder, her nose practically under his ear, breathing in deeply, and he has to fight not to gasp at the slight tickling sensation her breathing causes – not willing to let her know that he has that ticklish spot. Carrying her to the bed, he sits her down on the edge and bends down in front of her to unhook her heels, letting them fall off her feet, kissing each calf as he does so. Motioning for her to move back in the bed, he watches as her ass wiggles enticingly while she crawls up to the pillows. He can feel himself hardening all over again and shakes his head, unwilling to indulge for a <em>third</em> time in so short of a timespan. He’s not sure his heart can handle it.</p><p>Almost as soon as his head hits the pillows, he falls into a deep and dreamless sleep, his body wrapping around hers, protecting her and making sure that she’s still with him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Homeward Bound</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over the next several days, there is more booze, more seafood, more carbs, and the occasional water and rest break before Joker is too bloody tired to go on. As Harley, nay, Jill Napier, pulls her poor begrudged “Jack” behind her to the next spot on her to-do list one evening, he finally digs his heels into the pavement, in a very literal sense. Pulling her into an almost pitch-black alleyway between buildings with no notice, he captures her mouth and sucks on her bottom lip before roughly shoving his tongue between her lips.</p>
<p>Grabbing fistfuls of the front of his shirt, Harley aggressively shoves his back against the brick wall, claiming control of the kiss, moaning huskily into his mouth. Yes, he’d just fucked her this morning, but that was <em>hours</em> ago, and he can already feel his brain being deprived of oxygenated blood as it traveled to other, more urgent, parts of his anatomy. As her hands travel up his chest to his hair, pulling lightly, Joker slips a hand roughly between her legs and shoves two fingers inside of her already dripping cunt. Using those fingers inside of her as leverage, he bodily pushes her up against the rough brick on the other side of the wall, knowing that it’s likely scraping her skin in the micro-dress she’s currently in. As she growls, he eats the sounds and pumps his fingers harder into her, digging his thumb into her cloth-covered clit until she wrenches her head away from him and curses loudly, begging him to stop even as her body begs him to continue. Joker buries his nose behind her ear, biting down lightly, and it’s only as he’s violently wrenched away from Harley by his shoulder that he registers the newcomer in the alleyway.  </p>
<p>“Get the fuck off of her,” the valiant good Samaritan snarls, “she said no!”</p>
<p>Harley looks shocked at the interruption and looks from Joker to the unknown assailant, her brow furrowing as she clearly tries to remember what she’d been hollering out. Stepping back from Harley and a little further down the dark alley, he encourages the stranger to follow him with a sneering look, raising his hands like he has nothing up his sleeves.</p>
<p>The poor idiot looks at Harley and offers her his hand, and says gently, “Ma’am, let’s get you out of this alley and back onto the street.” When he notices her unshed tears glistening in the little light available, the dolt grabs Harley’s hand, clearly trying for comforting and not understanding the rage those tears represent.</p>
<p>“You were telling me no, doll,” Joker directs at Harley, leaning against the brick wall while still staring at the nitwit. “I believe your exact words were, ‘dear god no, please stop, please, no’?” He smiles toothily as he sees the confusion lift from her face out of the corner of his eye, still keeping the majority of his focus on the featherhead in front of him. She plays it up for all she’s worth for a moment, putting her other hand to her mouth as if trying to suppress a “sob,” but is unable to stifle the peal of laughter that rings out instead of a sob. It’s the dolt’s turn to look confused as he gives Harley his full attention.</p>
<p>“Ma’am?” the knobhead questions.</p>
<p>As she drops the good Samaritan's hand to double over, gripping her sides in laughter, Joker sidles up behind the pillock and slits his throat from ear to ear with his vintage-style straight razor. As the poor dear’s throat splits open like a second smile, he turns to face Harley, gushing a good deal of arterial spray on her face and chest. She quickly closes her eyes and gaping mouth, unwilling to contract anything, should the stranger carry anything sneaky in his veins. Really, they may be immune to most blood-borne pathogens, poisons, or chemicals, but there was no need to test what they could and could not get with some random stranger’s spurting blood! Grabbing the lummox and turning him around, Joker slips his finger into the gaping hole and says over the man’s gurgling, “Some lessons are learned the hard way, my dear fellow. And death is the hardest way there is!”</p>
<p>As soon as Harley has wiped the blood from her eyes and opened them to see the still bloody razor by his side, she exclaims, “Oh Pud’!” and bounds up to him, practically draping herself against him as she sings, “‘We’ll grow old together / By the seaside / By the beautiful sea,” in her best impression of a cockney accent.</p>
<p>“‘Anything you say,’” Joker deadpans in his own cockney accent, causing Harley’s laughter to ring out once more as she pushes the now almost-dead spud away from them.</p>
<p>As Joker’s hand caresses her throat, now covered in what would be bright red blood were it daytime, she whispers, “‘With the fishies splashing / By the sea / Wouldn’t that be smashing / Down by the sea…Come on, darling / Give us a kiss / Ooh, that was lovely,’” she finishes, biting her lower lip. Backing her slowly against the brick wall again, he slides his hand up so that his thumb can pull her lower lip from her mouth with a wet-sounding pop before crushing his mouth against hers. The hand not still holding the blade slides down her neck, sternum, and belly until he finally reaches the edges of her underwear.</p>
<p>Lightly fingering the cloth, he realizes this time that it’s more than just her usual micro-thong.  Separating his mouth from hers, he looks down and asks while playing with the edge of her boy-short undies, “Harl, since when do you own anything but micro-underwear?”</p>
<p>“Well, this dress is <em>really</em> short, and if I sit wrong or lift my legs a bit too high while walking, someone might <em>see</em>, and well, if I was wearing the normal micros and they got sucked up into my hooha, then everyone would see my Venus flytrap all closed around its prize! I have <em>zero</em> interest in my little flower showing up on social media for the Bats to see, you know?!”</p>
<p>He can’t help but laugh at the ridiculous statement, shaking his head at her. Looking down at his phone, he sends a quick text to Johnny to pick them up at his phone’s location in an hour, making sure to block off the alley when he arrives before trailing his hand lightly across the tops of Harley’s breasts, smearing the blood spatter that has hit her just about everywhere. Placing the cold, wet razor against her chest, he runs the flat edge along her cups before slipping it under the thin material of her dress, and he can feel her suppress a shiver of pleasure as he begins to slice downwards, separating the fabric as easily as it separated flesh just minutes before. As soon as the dress is fully parted and gaping, leaving her breasts bare and on display for him, he captures a nipple in his mouth and bites down with force before running the flat of his tongue against it as he continues to slide the flat side of the blade against her stomach and hips. She moans above him, and one hand begins playing with his hair as her other hand slips into her own underwear.</p>
<p>“I’m so wet, Mistah J,” she whimpers above him and pulls her fingers out of her panties to display them for him. Letting her nipple pop out of his mouth after one more tongue swipe, he looks up at her as he captures her fingers in his mouth, sucking on them much to her pleasure. Feeling his tongue run along her index and middle finger, her hips jut towards him, causing the razor to slip slightly, just barely nicking the flesh of her belly. She moans at the feeling of her own blood dripping down her body, and he sucks harder on her fingers, biting down lightly. Finally sliding them from his mouth, she runs her hand against his tented pants as her other hand fists in his hair, giving him his own dose of pleasure-pain.</p>
<p>Placing the straight razor’s edge at the edge of her underwear, he looks down at her and reminds her to stay still as he quickly slices away the ridiculous boy-shorts. As the strips of fabric fall away from her, he purrs at the sight of her all but naked and ready for him, just feet away from a busy street, teeming with life and drunkenness. She moans as the warm night air kisses her bared flesh, and her hand pushes a little harder against the fabric of his slacks. He just stands there for a moment, basking in the glory that is Harley’s body, marveling at the way the night plays against her skin, creating shadows in the little divots between her toned body and in the space between her breasts. Her hands leave him to play with her breasts, picking them up and running her thumbs against her nipples, trying to entice him to move, but the frenetic pace of earlier has been lost, and he’s more than content to stand there watching her play with herself.</p>
<p>As he runs the flat edge of his blade lightly up her inner thigh, she throws her head back and her fingers pinch her nipples, bringing forth a sound of need from both of them. Letting the sharp edge of his blade nick the skin just outside one of the folds of her “Venus flytrap,” she moans breathily and juts her hips towards him again. Putting the blade in his pocket, he fingers the little cut next to her pussy, spreading the drops of blood that have collected to mingle with her dripping cunt’s fluids before bringing his finger up to his mouth to suck off the salty mixture as he stares her in the eye. Harley bites her lower lip again and stares at him with hooded eyes, still fondling her breasts for him, stroking across the pebbled nipples, bringing the heavy globes up and together, trying to entice him closer to her, spreading the blood of the dolt across her chest. He stands there watching her for another moment before unbuckling his pants and popping the button, watching her nibble at her lip as he slides his zipper down slowly, making sure she hears the snick of each tooth being opened. Pressing a finger into the cut next to her labia as he pulls his cock out with his other hand, he watches her glance down at his throbbing erection and lick her lips. She wasn’t even trying to be seductive, but every move she makes is making it harder and harder for him to think straight.</p>
<p>“Please, Mistah J,” she all but whines, reaching out needily for his cock.</p>
<p>Finally spurred into action, he violently crushes his mouth against hers as he pushes her roughly against the brick wall behind her, making sure her shoulder blades scrape against the rough texture as he lifts her up with his hands digging into her ass. Repositioning himself with a hand between them, he roughly shoves his cock into her wet folds, making sure his hips hit the little cut with the movement. She cries out above him and slides one hand into his hair, the other slipping under the collar of his shirt to reach down his back, her nails scraping across his skin. As he begins to pound into her, he trails his mouth down her jaw to her shoulders, nipping viciously across a clavicle and the top of her breasts, making sure each place his mouth descends has little marks. His hips crash into her again and again, his fingers digging into her ass so hard he can feel her ischium bones through her flesh. Her body goes taut the moment he rubs against her g-spot, her hand tightening in his hair as she tries not to cry out above him. Joker pushes her harder against the brick's rough texture, making sure with each upthrust, her back scrapes against the wall. He has every intention of leaving as many raw spots as possible in retaliation for the exhaustion she’s wrought during this trip. She pulls his head back with the fist in his hair, and he can see a matching maniacal smile spread across her face before she captures his lower lip between her teeth, biting down hard enough to draw blood, and he moans into her mouth at the feeling. He thrusts harder into her, hitting both her g-spot and the cut next to her labia with each movement, causing little noises to escape from her. Sticking his tongue down her throat as soon as she lets his lip go, he crushes his mouth so hard against hers that he’s fairly certain he’s blocking off both their airways.</p>
<p>“Touch yourself, Harl,” he growls out, feeling his balls growing tighter with each thrust of his hips. She shoves a hand into the nonexistent space between them, scraping her rings against his lower belly as she begins to rub frantically at her clit. She’s making little noises into his mouth as he continues the violent assault against her mouth and cunt, and he’s getting closer and closer. He <em>would</em> hold out until she’d climaxed, he <em>would</em>. Growling her name into her mouth, he feels it the moment she explodes under him. Her body goes taut as a bowstring, her inner walls clench tightly around his hard shaft, and he has to fight to stay attached to her mouth as she wrenches her head back and silently screams. He pushes her harder into the bricks, freeing one hand only to wrap it around her windpipe. Separating his mouth from hers, he looks her in the eye as his hand tightens around her throat, and he pushes with all his might into the wet recesses of her body over and over. He can see her eyes bulging slightly at the lack of air, but it’s the smile that plays across his lips and her use of her last breath to breathe his name that sends him over the edge into his own climax. His hand tightens around her throat for a moment before letting it go and crushing his lips to hers again as he holds his body tightly to hers, his hand tangling in the hair at the nape of her neck.</p>
<p>After every drop of his cum is pumped into her, he lightly strokes her neck and the finger marks he can already see there, gently kissing along her jawbone before resting his forehead against hers. As soon as he opens his mouth to express what he wants from her, she whispers, “Let’s go home, Puddin. I miss Gotham,” playing with the little hairs at the base of his skull. He closes his mouth and lightly runs the tip of his nose against hers before kissing the tip and nodding. He slips out of her, tucking himself back into his pants as she slides down his body. Not paying any attention to her gaping dress, she leans down to inspect the very dead good Samaritan and grabs his watch off before also grabbing the wallet in his jeans pocket, for good measure. Finally paying attention to her state of undress, she pulls her dress together as best she can and looks to the mouth of the alleyway, seeing it blocked off by a large black car. She turns, smiles at Joker before bounding over to the car and hopping into the backseat without ever looking at who the car might belong to. Leaning down, he retrieves Harley’s useless underwear and kicks the dunce for good measure before turning his own attention to the alleyway’s end.</p>
<p>Shaking his head, Joker slips into the SUV's back seat beside Harley, nodding briefly at Johnny through the rearview mirror. He can see Johnny raise an eyebrow at Harley’s clearly sliced-up dress and the blood that seems to still be covering the majority of her face, neck, and chest. Joker smiles toothily at the vision that is Harley drenched in blood and pulls her over to his side of the seat, ignoring the need for a seatbelt. She leans her head against his shoulder, falling almost instantaneously asleep, and he envies that ability to fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Once they’re back at their residence, he puts his arms behind her back and under her legs and gently picks her up to carry her through the doors that Johnny opens for them and up to their rooms.</p>
<p>Making sure that her arms are wrapped around his neck, he uses the hand behind her back to turn on the faucet of the tub and throw a few bath salts that smell disgustingly sweet into the mix. Kicking off his shoes and slipping out of his pants, he leaves his socks and shirt on (really, <em>how</em> was he supposed to get them off with a Harley attached to his chest?) before he lowers them both into the huge steaming tub. He closes his eyes briefly at the feeling of the warm water and can feel Harley cuddle up further against his chest, burying her head into his neck. Letting his head rest against the edge of the tub, he gently rubs a hand against her lower back as she breathes deeply against his neck.</p>
<p>He’s not sure how long he dozes off for, but it can’t be more than a few minutes as the bath is still steaming when he feels Harley’s legs move against him lightly and the face buried in his neck change position. He keeps his eyes closed, his hands loose, as her hips straddle him, rubbing against his instantly hard shaft. How he’s constantly ready for her, he still has no idea. Maybe it’s something she puts in his coffee in the morning? Wouldn’t surprise him.</p>
<p>She slowly moves her body against his, and he can feel her chest move away as she begins to unbutton his soaked shirt. The fabric tries to stick to his skin, but she peels it off, pushing it down his shoulders, licking across his chest. He keeps his hands lightly on her hips as if still mostly asleep, wanting to let her take control for the moment, and she allows him to continue pretending. Deft fingers play with his erection, just barely stroking him as her mouth continues its exploration of his upper body.</p>
<p>Finally, not being able to take being motionless any longer, he slips a hand between them to rub at her folds, causing a little moan to escapes her. She rocks her hips against his questing fingers and bites his earlobe lightly when he inserts two fingers into her welcoming body. As he slowly slides his fingers in and out of her, her hand begins to move with the friction his cock needs, wrapping him in a tight fist and pumping. Capturing his mouth in a languid kiss, she moves her hips slightly, and he lets his fingers slip out of her, placing them back on her hips as she raises over him and slides down, spearing herself on his engorged cock. Throwing his head back, he moans at the feeling of entering her tight opening, almost having to fight to push through. She bites the junction of his shoulder and neck as her hips slowly rock against his. He can hear the water splashing over the edges of the tub with each movement but still doesn’t open his eyes, letting touch be his main sense for the time being.</p>
<p>“Joker,” she moans into his neck as she lifts up and slowly lowers herself back down, her hands using his biceps to keep herself steady. She tries to kiss him with force, but he refuses the speed, instead languidly moving his tongue against hers, forcing her to slow down to match his pace. She makes a tight fist in his hair for a moment, letting him feel her ire before she slows down and gently rocks her hips in time to his tongue’s movements. He smiles against her mouth at the victory and moves one hand to rest against her lower belly, feeling her muscles contract with each movement of her gyrating hips. Slowly, so slowly she doesn’t seem to notice, he lets his hand travel southward to rest a thumb just above her clit. On her next slow thrust, he lets his thumb descend and rub against that little bundle of nerves. Her hips jerk violently against his finger at that first touch, and he smiles, not stopping his rubbing motions.</p>
<p>He finally slits his eyes open as her hips begin to slowly rock against him again, her head thrown back in ecstasy. Reaching up with his free hand, he lightly strokes the bruising against her neck with a thumb before letting his hand slide down to her perfect breasts, pinching a nipple lightly, rubbing the little bud between his fingers even as his other hand does the same to her clit. She cries out above him, arching her back, pushing her luscious breasts in his face, and he can feel those inner walls trembling with how close she is. He’s fairly certain it would only take a light breath against her skin to send her tumbling, crashing against the waves of heaven’s gates, so he gives her exactly that. He lightly blows against the deprived nipple of her other breast as his fingers press down on the little nubs trapped between his fingers, causing Harley to scream his name in her release. He crushes her mouth against his, pulling her chest tightly to his with a hand on her lower back as his other fingers continue to play with her clit, making sure that her orgasm continues tearing through her. His hips relentlessly push against her spasming walls until he’s so close he can almost taste it. Grabbing both of her hips, he violently twists them so that he’s on top, and pushing them both under the water to the bottom of the tub, he thrusts quickly into her, his mouth still locked around hers. His hands tangle in her floating mass of hair, and he can feel her fingernails digging into his back as he pumps into her. He knows neither of them has the air to last long like this, so he quickly pumps into her until he’s finally falling along with her, shouting into her mouth, huge air bubbles floating around both of their heads. He holds them under for an extra moment, letting his hips spasm into her before he leans back enough that she’s able to slide up and bring her head above water, gasping.</p>
<p>He’s reluctant to separate their bodies, but knowing that they both need to clean the blood and fluids off, he sits up and opens the drain of the tub, letting the dirty water flow out. Stepping out, he picks Harley up bridal style when she stands up and carries her to the separate shower. Together they clean off the blood of the unknown good Samaritan, and he helps Harley wash her back, scraping his fingernails against her scalp as he washes her hair for her, enjoying the purrs that rumble up her chest at the pampering. It’s his way of saying sorry for all the bruising on her body without having to put it into words. He enjoys washing “Jill” off of his Harley, and he sees the same pleasure reflected back as she helps to get rid of “Jack,” his green hair shining through as the temporary dye washes out and the tattoos slowly but surely showing as he scrubs the false tan away.</p>
<p>Once they’re dried and back to their right and proper selves, he lays down in the huge bed, and Harley snuggles against his chest, wrapping an arm and leg around him, so close she might as well be laying on top of him.</p>
<p>As he falls into sleep, he couldn’t be happier to know that they’re <em>finally</em> going home tomorrow, back to their own bed and away from this city of heat and humidity and cockroaches, back to terrorizing the Bat and his wards and back to terrorizing an entire city’s denizens. He was ready to put Jack and Jill Napier away for a while, even if seeing Harley with a ring on that finger <em>had</em> stirred something low in his belly that made him feel distinctly uncomfortable.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The next/last chapter is an outtake scene</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Stacy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is for those of you that have read my other works and have mentioned how much you love poor Johnny Frost's wife, Stacy Frost.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stacy crept down the stairs, desperate for ice. She was pregnant again, though she hadn’t told Johnny yet. They’d been talking about another one for a few years now, ever since she’d won the bet about Harley sticking around, becoming a permanent fixture in Joker’s life. But they’d been unlucky the last few times, so she’d been waiting to tell Johny until she was sure. She didn’t want to get his hopes up like last time.</p><p>Though she’d enjoyed the vacation and adult-time away from the kids, this week had been long, and she was ready to be home. The heat had been causing her ankles to swell something horrible, and while it wouldn’t exactly be cool back in Gotham, it wouldn’t be <em>this</em> level of sweltering heat combined with almost one hundred percent humidity. Knowing that Johnny had a million things to do after Joker and Harley left in the morning, she hadn’t wanted to wake him to get something as simple as ice. She wanted him to sleep as much as he could tonight before the insanity of tomorrow.</p><p>Shaking her head, she dislodges the unhelpful thoughts and quietly pads down the stairs. She can hear giggling coming from the kitchen but isn’t overly concerned. She and Harley got on well, and she’d even acted as a shoulder to cry on when Ivy was out of town, and Harley and Joker had fought. Stacy was actually curious to know how the other woman was doing, pretending to be Mrs. Jill Napier, Joker’s wife. Stace knew it was something Harley secretly wanted one day, and she worried that Joker would never be able to take that leap. She knew Joker had said the three magic words every girl longs to hear from her partner. Hell, the entire city of <em>Gotham</em>, if not the <em>world</em>, knew it after he’d burned it into the three huge office buildings a few years ago, even if most would never suspect <em>The Joker</em> of being the perpetrator of that particular crime. But marriage was a far cry from those three words. Hopefully she’d be wrong this time. Maybe she should make it another bet between Johnny and herself?</p><p>As she rounds the corner, she stops mid-step, clutching her cup to her chest, and just stares at the scene playing out in front of her. Joker’s bare back is to her, and he has Harley lifted against the closed refrigerator door, the huge shirt she’s wearing down around one shoulder, likely baring a breast, his hands locked under her knees against the fridge door so that as his still-clothed hips jut forward, Harley’s legs wiggle, little noises coming from both of them. Harley throws her head back as Joker hits a particular spot, and he leans in to nibble his way along her jaw, seeming to pay special attention to the large vein on her neck that Stacy can see pumping from the entryway. Harley giggles when Joker nibbles that vein, and her hands roam down his neck, across his back, into his hair, almost as if she can’t keep them still. Stacy can hear Joker purr out, “Doll-face,” as he begins to pound his hips so hard into Harley that the entire refrigerator rattles.</p><p>Stacy knows she should move, should leave, but she can’t seem to move her damn feet. Johnny was going to give her <em>hell</em> if he ever found out about this. She <em>knew</em> people had died for seeing less than what she was seeing right this instant, and she <em>knew</em> being Johnny’s pregnant wife would have no bearing on the Jester of Genocide’s decision. Stacy had known Joker for a long time; hell, he’d even stayed in their house a few times in the beginning, before he was the mob boss he is today, before he had the numerous hideouts he now has, before he had the ghost-white skin and bright green hair and the name Joker. But to see him with his back to the door, so lost in Harley that he had yet to notice or care that Stacy was in the entryway…she never thought she’d see the day. She <em>knew </em>him, <em>knew</em> what he’d do, but she just can’t seem to stop watching what was happening in front of her.</p><p>Stacy can hear Harley making little huffing noises with each thrust of Joker’s hips, her head still thrown back in ecstasy against the fridge, her legs still jiggling with each deep thrust. As Harley’s hand fists in Joker’s hair, she hears Harley whine, “Harder, Puddin, <em>please</em>.” Really, Stacy thought the fridge rattling would indicate that Joker was already thrusting as hard as he could, but instead of listening to his partner, he stops his movements entirely, causing Harley to cry out. The fist in Joker’s hair pulls his head so hard that it snaps back, his eyes staring at the ceiling briefly before he seems to exert some kind of control over his paramour and brings his eyes back down to stare at her. Interlacing his hands behind Harley’s lower back, Joker picks her up, never separating their bodies as he walks her a few steps to the side, slamming her violently back against a wall, his hips jutting forward at the same time. Stacy can practically <em>hear</em> Harley’s head crack against the wall with the violence of Joker’s movement, but it seems to be what the other woman wants as a rather insane smile appears almost instantaneously on her face, and she hisses out, “Yessss.”</p><p>Joker attaches his mouth to Harley’s, seeming to swallow the screams that she’s making as he thrusts into her. Stacy’s hand goes to her mouth, the other still clutching her cup tightly to her chest as she watches the two of them. Joker somehow gives Harley the speed and rough fucking that she wants and growls out between thrusts, “Touch yourself, Harl. Fuck, baby…I need, <em>fuck</em>,” and Stacy is transfixed. One of Harley’s hands snakes between them while the other still plays with the back of Joker’s hair, and with the elbow movement Stacy can see, she guesses Harley is playing with her own clit while Joker drives his hips up and into her. It’s only another moment before Harley throws her head back, her hand tightening in Joker’s hair as he leans down and attacks Harley’s neck, and she’s crying out in ecstasy, clearly reaching her climax. Joker seems to thrust harder as his mouth stays at the junction of Harley’s neck and shoulder before he’s growling out something so guttural that Stacy can’t understand it, but Harley clearly can as she moans again, clearly climaxing again at whatever he’s said. Joker puts his head on Harley’s shoulder, his back heaving with the clear need for oxygen as Harley nuzzles her nose right under Joker’s ear.</p><p>She knew they fucked like rabbits. Johnny had told her as much, but to <em>see</em> it. To see them so lost in each other that they completely blocked out the rest of the world…to see that was to see true obsession at work. To think, if she’d been someone there to do the household harm, they’d be dead already! But then Harley opens her eyes, staring directly at Stacy, and she knows the other woman knew of her presence the whole time. Harley winks at Stacy before she buries her head back in Joker’s neck, moaning his name, her fingers combing through his hair as he whispers endearments between his heavy breaths. Flushing bright red, Stacy turns and flees the kitchen, going as quickly and quietly as she can back to the room she and Johnny are staying in, pretending she didn’t just see something that would rival any porn out there.</p><p>Maybe the clown was closer to marriage than she’d thought if he was so wrapped up in Harley that he ignored the outside world, trusting her to watch his back.</p><p>
  <em>Das Ende</em>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As always, please let me know what you thought - kudos and comments go a long way!</p><p>Any kind of feedback is appreciated, even if it's not great! You can always send me an email as well if you're nervous about posting here!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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